Like Tears in Rain
by heavenlyrat
Summary: Following the destruction of the Institute the Sole Survivor, Nora, looses her way. From Commonwealth savior to slaughterer, her friends must try and save her from her greatest enemy yet - herself. But without Shaun, who is she? And why can't she remember anything before that fateful day when the bombs fell?
1. Unsteady

As I stood on that building, feeling the ground rumble beneath me, I'd never felt so cold.

If you'd asked me how it came to this, I honestly wouldn't know where to begin. I was living an impossible life, one that I'd never asked for, one that love and desperation had carved out for me. Why was I so special? Why did I excel in a world where others fell and faded? Love; I had risked it all time and again, while forging myself into what I believed to be necessary, on a journey driven by love.

And now here I was - tall and terrifying, the very landscape changed by my will - with no love left to fight for. I'd done it all for a world that I no longer cared for, for a world that I truly felt apart from - more strongly than ever before.

I felt to my knees and I started to weep.

"Eh, General?" said Preston, as he approached me. He crouched down and put a kind hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Gene-, Nora."

His sad, sympathetic smile shook me. I wiped my eyes, collecting myself. I'd have plenty of time to mourn. But for now I had to hold it together, I was in front of my men and I was the General.

I stood up, slowly, shakily, and returned the smile through still wet eyes. "It's over. Done." I said, and it was barely more than a whisper.

"We've freed the Commonwealth!" Said one of the soldiers.

"It's all thanks to you, General." Added another, beaming.

"There'll be drugs and booze and dancing tonight." Croaked Hancock, with a wink.

There would be dancing, across over the Commonwealth, and beneath it all would be the charred bones of my son.

"C'mon Boss, you look down!" said Hancock, interlocking his arm with mine and leading us, side by side, to the elevator. "You did what you had to, what was _right_."

He pressed the button and we stepped inside. The door closed swiftly behind us and we headed down, just the two of us, illuminated by my pip-boy's glow.

"Look Nora," Started Hancock, looking into my eyes. He stared long and deep. "Keep it together – for _morale_. The Minutemen, they're soft without you, be s _trong_ \- just until we're back." He took my hand and gripped it tight.

He knew me well. I liked to think that I had the perfect poker face, but when it came to friends, I was an open book. I meant to say something reassuring, something that a General would say, but before I could stop myself the truth poured out of my lips.

"I have no reason to live." I breathed, fearful that speaking might loosen my facial muscles and that I would start crying again.

Hancock looked shocked, then sad. "And they call me crazy...You got the Minutemen, Nora. You have the Railroad, Nick, Piper, Danse... Jeeze, you've got half the Commonwealth to live for."

"I don't care about any of that." I said, quickening my pace, eager to spill the truth before sanity could interfere. "This isn't my world. This isn't my _fight_. The only thing that tied me here, to this time, is gone. _I_ killed him. I killed my reason for existing." I looked to the ghoul, desperate for him to understand.

"You're grieving, Nora," he sighed, brushing me off. "This'll pass."

"There's nothing to pass onto. The Institute is finished, and so am I." I finished just as the elevator reached its stop.

The minutemen had taken the stairs and I could hear them approach as we walked towards the door. Hancock had told me to keep up a strong front, for _them_ , but he needed it too. So I cleared my face of emotion and nodded to them as they arrived.

Hancock offered me a cigarette, just like he always did, just like it was any other day. But it wasn't, so I accepted.

I gave orders robotically and we all began our march to the Castle. Hancock eyed me all the way, as I puffed on the old tobacco, but I ignored him - and for that I'm sure he was grateful.

* * *

This was quick and veeeery spontaneous but I have some big plans for the story...

Nora's a bit critical, I know! (For the record I love the Minutemen and Hancock)

Anyway.. Thanks for reading :) & reviews or suggestions are always appreciated!


	2. Thought to Action

I'd be lying if I said that being back at the Castle wasn't comforting, because it was. Honestly, since coming to the Commonwealth the confines of the cold, stone walls had been the only place that had felt, well, _safe_. Sanctuary had been a good refuge, for a while, but the ghost of the past was too present. How could I sleep, when the shadow of my baby lay in the next room?

I hadn't spoken to anyone much since our arrival. I didn't want to lie and I didn't want to tell the truth - I didn't need sympathy. I regretted my admission to Hancock, but in a way it had been necessary. I had tested the water, and discovered what I _should_ have already known; that there was no room for weakness in the Commonwealth and definitely no room for a lapse of the General.

I had no purpose, but I wasn't about to roll over and die. The least I could do was keep on living, keep the Minutemen alive, and just maybe I could prevent more tragedy. Just maybe I could save someone from feeling how I had felt, when I'd turned my back on my only son and set the ground alight. I hadn't made that decision for me; I'd made it for them, the people of the Commonwealth, the Minutemen, the Railroad... And now I didn't live for me, no, now I lived for them - a tool, a willing resource...

A light knock came from my door. I rarely closed it, normally seeking the company of my friends and Minutemen, but tonight I'd made an exception. No one had disturbed me thus far, probably fearing that I would lash out or latch onto whoever was the first to peek inside. There was only one who would knock, and who I knew intimately enough to let inside.

"Come in, Nick." I said, my voice hoarse from lack of use.

The old synth slid open the aged wood, closing it neatly behind him, before taking a seat at my table. He chose the chair opposite me, meeting my gaze with sad, inhuman eyes.

"You've accomplished a lot kid, more than you know. Families will finally be able to sleep easy; neighbours will come to trust one another again." He slid a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it with a steady, robotic hand. "Doing what's right isn't easy – but you know that."

I knew it now - but I wished I'd known it sooner.

"My journey... is over, Nick." I swallowed hard, fighting back the urge to cry or break down or rant. "But there's more I can do... I know that. I've won the battle, but not the war."

He smiled, and it was a smile that comforted me. He'd always had that affect on me, Nick, he'd always been able to sooth me in times of panic and stress, with a simple gesture or quiet word.

"Now there's an old world phrase you don't hear too much anymore." He chuckled. "But you're right; the Commonwealth is far from perfect."

I nodded. He agreeing meant something to me, more than he knew. It solidified my thoughts, helping them to form into action.

"I'll start at the centre, and work my way out." I said, thinking as I did so, the skeleton of a plan forming within my frazzled mind.

"The centre? You mean Diamond City?" he asked, raising one sceptical brow.

"Exactly." I replied, with almost a smile. "The Institute is gone and opinions _need_ to change. Before I can start helping, _really helping_ , I need to reform Diamond city. Travellers pass through there every day, it's the hub, and the centre... it sets the tone for the whole Commonwealth."

"So..." Began Nick, as clever as ever. "You're going to attempt to open their minds to the idea of synths." It wasn't a question, he already knew where my mind was headed.

I smiled, this time it was natural and genuine. "You really are a detective, aren't you?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look Nora, this might come across as well... harsh, but just because you took down the Institute, it doesn't mean _nothings_ impossible. Look at me, a trusted Diamond City synth, and still not one of them. Opinions don't change overnight. Don't get me wrong though, IF anyone can do it - it's you - I'm just not sure it _can_ be done."

He had a point and he was right to be cautious, but I had nothing left to lose. There were no risks for me, only rewards.

"I'm a 200-and-something-year-old woman sat opposite a synth, in a castle..." I stood up, eying my collection of weaponry on the nearby wall. "Anything's possible."

* * *

Thanks for the reviews and feedback - I really appreciate it!

As for connecting this story to the world of FO3 or NV I'm not sure that I could fit it in, as I have **a lot** planned out for this universe, but never say never!

Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, and there should be another update before the end of the week. :)


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